Monday, 26 May 2014

i am the strangest stranger i know

I went to the most amazing Frida Kahlo exhibition in Rome in the Easter break about a month ago. There was a huge range of works, some of which I had never seen before. There were interpretations of her paintings that gave me more of an understanding of her and her work. She is truly admirable and a fantastic artist - it was so special to see so many of her paintings in one space. 

It's half term now and when I go back to school in a week I'm starting my GCSE courses, which is super scary. Because I'm a massive pessimist I am regretting my choices (specifically dance) already and looking at my timetable just makes me shrivel a little inside. I think I love dance but I'll be having it like 4 hours a week and no more art or music EVER AGAIN makes me really sad. My current mindset is either avoiding thinking about GCSEs or being like 'it's only 2 years'. Why is the British school system designed to freak us out from as young an age as possible? Each year at school limits our choices for the future - who ACTUALLY knows what they want to do for the rest of their life by the time they're 14? 

I have been lonely and bored today, which I have compensated for with lots of chocolate and some reading - I have just started this great book called 'Emmaus' by Alessandro Baricco which is similar to the Virgin Suicides and just as lyrical/beautiful/coming-of-age-y (shoutout to Jesse and Juniper for lending it to me). I have also spent way too long doing pointless things on the internet, such as refreshing Instagram every few minutes and searching 'I am bored and lonely what should I do' into google. These brain-melting activities led to me writing some existential stream-of-consciousness crap: ('am a stranger. I am the strangest stranger I know. Maybe the meaning of life is to grasp the stranger by the shoulders and spin her around, sit her down and have a meaningful conversation with her. Get to know this ‘I’, this ‘me’, this ‘self’.')

And then I decided to write this, because I haven't posted anything for ages and I am in the mood.

Probably nobody reads this anymore but I guess that's not the point. It's nice to write, even if it's just for myself. It's really amazing how easy it's become to get your voice into the public void - just start a free blog. All you need is wifi and a brain. 

I'm in a weird mood as usual. I'm excited for summer and going to America again. I'm in a band but we don't have a name yet. 

Being alive is the strangest experience ever.

I should probably stop now.



Thursday, 2 January 2014


I made a Tricky mixtape, which is up and to the right in the sidebar. 

Tricky's music unveils the beauty, the rawness and the darkness of our world. He makes sound tangible, a wave of sweet, deep sea washing over the listener. He collaborates with female singers of ethereal voices, layered over his own tender growl-whisper. Pairing such contrasting voices creates an intimacy with the listener and a suggestion of a dark underside to beauty, a beautiful underside to darkness. His songs meditate on life, death, authenticity, love, heartbreak, individuality and despair. Tricky mixes cultures and genres in a completely original and natural way, sampling snippets of other songs and films (like Chet Baker's 'My Funny Valentine' in Tricky's 'Valentine') and working around the vibe. The lyrics in his songs are poetic, hypnotic and honest. 

"I rue the day that I ever met you/
And deeply regret you/
Getting close to me.
I cannot wait to deeply neglect you,
Deeply forget you/
Jesus, believe me/
You might have been my reason for living,
I gave up on giving/
Gave up everything.
We were a right pair of believers,
A couple of dreamers/
So how come you hate me?"

"How does it feel like to be so heartless?/
Why are you breaking me for no reason?/
Don't you know there are things I never learnt/
Teach me how to speak your sign language"
(If Only I Knew)

"Your eyes resemble mine, you see as no others can/
Here, inherit my kingdom, speak of our people's plan"

"I can't breathe/
And I can't see/
MTV moves too fast, I refuse to understand/
You go your way and I'll see mine/
Feels like wasted time/
And it feels like I must be blind/
How'd you like yourself?/
You don't know yourself"

"Take me kindly/
She is dark-eyed/
Never saw, never saw/
She's the lifeline to the heartbeat/
Can't feel the heartbeat"

It's good to write about things again. I was worried I had become incapable of legitimately analysing things that I love. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! 2014 sounds so weird! I hope it doesn't go as fast as last year did, and that it'll be a memorable, glorious year for us all.

I guess I've given up on the whole 'New Year's Resolutions' thing
(who even achieves any of their goals?? lul not me), but I do want to read and write more, appreciate/love things fully, make some new friends, practice guitar more/focus on my playing/make a band, and be slightly less pessimistic. Also I want to cut my hair, just for some kind of drastic change that I still long for in the very depths of my brain.


Wednesday, 1 January 2014


HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!

2013 came and went. The year ebbed and flowed and then dried up, waiting for the monsoon of the new year. Hasn't it just flown by so fast??? 

We welcome you, 2014. 

I can't write v. well at 1:13 in the morning. anyways peace out n stuff!!! yay new year!!!! scary! woo!!!


Thursday, 12 December 2013

neglecting your blog 101

I want to be in Twin Peaks. David Lynch is a twisted genius - I've been in denial that it's over, that I have watched it all. WHAT ARE THE OWLS???????? AHHHHHH IF THEY ARE NOT WHAT THEY SEEM THEN WTF ARE THEY.


ahh like the best two characters <3

I am sick of this narcissism that has taken over our generation. I don't need another excuse to think/talk about myself, which is what a blog is? basically?

Sometimes I feel separate from myself, watching over. It's strange. Dreams are the same way, observing a scene, observing myself. I want to cover all the mirrors, delete my instagram, any means of actively looking at myself. 'selfies' are a strange concept. Why do we take pictures of ourselves? I'm not particularly against it, but it's not good for me. me me me.


Tricky is an entity, a necessity. Found this song in trying to make a mixtape of his music:

How beautiful? 

End of the year and it is busy busy busy. Where did the time go?


Monday, 11 November 2013

cut it short

I have lately been pondering/obsessing over the possibility of cutting my hair short. 

I was thinking shoulder length or even shorter? 

I love my hair long but I need something different. Life is irritably bland. My half term has already blurred with the hours of school I'm sinking in. The only change is my emotions, which are sucky and confusing at the moment.

I watched Paris, Texas on Saturday night, which is simply an aesthetic beauty fest (most of that beauty being Jane). It was calming to be in Texas for a while. I miss America so much. It really is a great film, which I feel inadequate to review. I am so bad at describing how I feel about things lately.

Cue inspiration for my wanting to hack off my hair.

...and a ridiculous photo of me with scarlett's hair:

Monday, 28 October 2013


I made another mixtape for my mum - her only request for a birthday present. It's up and to the right in the sidebar, check it out!

It's half term this week, and I'm already dreading how quickly it's going to go. It seems like in school life you're always anticipating the break from school or particular events to keep you going, like checkpoints in some endless game. I don't hate school, but I know I should be more grateful for the education I receive.

I think the latest mixtape, for my mum, really reflects how I feel right now, even though I didn't realise at the time of choosing the songs and compiling it. It's all about heartbreak and moving on and trying to reach out and find someone, which just keeps sounding more and more relevant to my life as I write this sentence. I especially love the re-discovered The Roots song, Sleep. Hypnotic.

I don't know how to write. I haven't written in a while. It seems lately I've been distracting myself with unimportant things, detracting from everything else that actually matters to me. I'm not as anguished as I probably seem here on the internet. 
I just feel detached.


Tuesday, 15 October 2013

please insert title thanks

I am trying and failing to re-design my blog. It is now in its awkward in-between stage just like I am, being a teenager, and looks pretty terrible right now. please pity/help meee.

I feel lame as a blogger and generally as a person right now. To describe it accurately, I feel meh.
Completely lost for inspiration, I helplessly ramble to the internet.

My mum's friend (hey, remember andrea?) made this video of my mum (<3<3<3), which is cute and you should watch. yeah.